No Complaints about ANYTHING – EVER

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My Dad has been telling me to read Mr. Money Mustache for at least a year. He subtly emails me links to articles he thinks I would enjoy every few weeks. His efforts paid off when I had internet access this week and finally read some of the blog. Apart from the great financial advice, I particularly enjoyed his hypothesis on why people complain. He came up with a wonderful solution to the issue of complaining people: a “No F-ing Complaints about ANYTHING – EVER” rule. I would paint that rule on a big sign and hang it in my house if I didn’t think I’d offend most of our guests.

I need to take his advice and implement his “No Complaints” rule, pronto. I am a whiney whiner about a lot of things and need to suck it up. Instead of muttering “I’m cold,” I could be productive, kill two birds with one stone, and knead some bread. Energy spent hinting to the husband that “the wood is wet and not burning well,” could be better spent by helping him to fell, haul, buck, split, and pile the wood. Rather than grumbling that “I ran out of water halfway through the dishes,” I could go fill the jugs myself and bring them home on a sled.

How much more enjoyable would life be if you didn’t have to listen to your sister-in-law complain about her Facebook friends? Or sit quietly while your coworker whines about her neighbour’s early-morning snowblowing? Or hear yourself drone on about your aversion to jaywalkers. Personally, I get bored listening to myself complain; I can’t even imagine how arduous it is for others to listen to me.

So, thank you Mr. Money Mustache for telling me just what I needed to hear; I’m sure everyone in my life will be very grateful for your wise advice.

Look at us we are SO GREEN, more GREENER THAN YOU!

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Look at us we are SO GREEN, more GREENER THAN YOU!

I don’t think I am the only one to feel “not eco enough” when I walk into a health store, or, even worse, a “green” baby store. I dislike the assumption that I am a mindless consumer in the store to gobble up whatever new fad is being pushed: teething necklaces, pebble crayons that teach proper hand position, super-organic bamboo diapers. While many of the products are great, I don’t need them to display how eco-friendly I am. “If you get this organic, natural, green product you are a good mom and you like the environment. Good job!” “Oh, you don’t think you need this? Well, let me explain why you are wrong and should immediately buy one.”

I always feel awkward in those stores because, to be honest, I really like their stuff even if I don’t need any of it. I don’t want to be rude, so I feel the need to placate the sales person by smiling and nodding throughout their schpeel. Case in point:
Before our baby was born we were trying to gather what we needed for diapering. We already had diapers, we just needed something to hold them closed. I had heard about Snappis and wanted to get a few, so I went to a local “green” baby shop. The owner, in a fairly condescending tone, told me that if I was going to use old cloth diapers I might as well go full hog and use pins. She went on for so long that she talked herself out of a sale: I left without the Snappis, and bought them somewhere else. Fast forward a few months to when the baby is six months old and I lose all the diaper pins: I went back to the same store (stupid, I know). The owner obviously didn’t remember her last lecture because when I asked about pins she went on a rant about how Snappis are so much better. After ten minutes, my mom bought something (out of guilt, I assume) and we ran out of there.

The woman in that store always makes me feel like I’m doing everything wrong. I know a few people like her. “You are using cloth diapers? Good for you! But you aren’t using this specific detergent to wash them? Don’t you know that ALL the other ones are horrible for your baby?! You really should be using this detergent.” “Breastmilk is so good for babies. You shouldn’t nurse past such and such age, though, or it is just weird.” “Kids don’t need much, but you really should buy this swing if you want your baby to be happy.” Blahhhhhgg.

I am a big push-over, so I don’t usually say much to these people. I let them tell me all about how I should be concerned about chemicals in cleaning supplies, why I need to buy a certain product, or what I need to do to raise a healthy kid. I’m usually too tired/busy/lazy to bother getting into a discussion with them so I escape as soon as they finish. After listening to the “We are SO GREEN, more GREENER THAN YOU!!!” discussion, I fantasize about sticking out my tongue, yelling something mean, and running away. But, that will never happen because I don’t really care about their opinion.

I’m happy washing our house with baking soda and vinegar; I don’t need to spend eight dollars on a fancy green-washed cleaner that the sales person thinks is wonderful. I like the boring, unscented, junk-free detergent that my mother-in-law has been buying for decades and don’t feel the need to switch to the expensive hipster stuff the baby store is selling. My kid doesn’t need me to buy her that cute wool doll and then sleep beside it so that it smells like me – her ugly doll already smells like me because it took me five months to finally finish knitting it.

Therefore, to the people who aren’t living up to the expectations of the “eco-friendly” folks: don’t worry about it, neither are we. We live in a house made of wood, cotton, and wool; we don’t clean with anything that we couldn’t ingest; our baby plays with homemade wooden and woolen toys; and we grow our own organic food – and we STILL aren’t “green” enough. So, relax. Smile and nod during the lecture, and get away from that person as quickly as possible.

7 Quick Takes

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1

We ran out of firewood this week so our friend came over to help us cut more.

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2

 There was a caterpillar in my hair for who knows how long before Mike noticed it and took a picture. I find these little guys every time I vacuum so I scoop them up and put them in a safe place until the next time. They don’t seem to mind.

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3

 I finally finished Alma’s doll. It took a week to knit her, and months to give her a face. Procrastinate much?

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4

The doll got a face as a direct result of the guilt felt while making this bunny for my new nephew.

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5

We left the yurt and the wee one for an entire evening (!) and went to a Gatsby party. Please note the eighty-year-old mink on my shoulder courtesy of the dress-up box/Mike’s great-great-aunt.

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6

Despite the cold, we have been enjoying the outdoors.

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7

Alma’s aunt and uncle sent her the greatest toy. Six different fish, six different shapes, six different colours.

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For more Quick Takes visit the link-up at Conversion Diary

How Many Sweaters are YOU Wearing Today?

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It was -33C/-27F outside this morning when we woke up; it was 5C/41F inside this morning. Waking up to a chilly house usually means that we slept well and didn’t wake up to stoke the fire much in the night (and by “we” I really mean my husband, because he is very nice and never makes me get up to stoke the fire in the night).  On cold mornings we bundle up, flog the fire, and do something that warms us up like make bread, dance around listening to 90’s rap stars, or vigorously clean the house.

We did the farm chores together this morning (usually Mike does them by himself) and then went for a walk around our property. One wouldn’t expect -30 to be a good temperature to take a walk, but it was a really nice morning. The sun was bright, the sky was blue, and the snow was squeaky. By the time we got back to the yurt, the temperature was acceptable and only required one extra layer of clothing. By the afternoon it felt like a normal house again.

Surprisingly, the yurt is usually the same temperature as a regular home. However, there are probably two weeks out of the year that require extra socks, sweaters, and sometimes a toque. Thankfully, the cold days are spread out over the winter and last only a few days at a time (usually).

On those cold days, I want to make sure that our daughter isn’t cold while playing on the floor so I tend to hang out down there with her. I dress her in a couple of sweaters, wool leg-warmers that her aunt knit for her, and extra-warm slippers. She is rarely cold and doesn’t seem to mind the extra fabric. She plays happily, and I forget that we live in a tent.

once she figures out how to bend in all those clothes she is pretty content

once she figures out how to bend in all those clothes she is pretty content

Having a toddler means that we spend a lot of time playing/sitting/reading on the floor, so we have a few “must-haves” to stay warm during the winter:

  • at least one wool sweater overtop of shirt
  •  long-underwear or leggings under trousers
  • wool socks
  • slippers with hard or very thick soles
  • a stack of blankets within arm’s reach of the couch

Winter in a Yurt with a Toddler

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Well, winter has set in and so far we haven’t hit a funk. I probably shouldn’t write that out of fear that tomorrow will be day of the funk, but alas, I continue. Despite the ongoing winter colds we have been fighting (I’m onto round 2 right now), we have been having a lot of fun even if we haven’t been all that productive. Mornings have consisted of playing, eating breakfast, and maybe doing something useful like sweeping the floor; afternoons consist of nursing the wee one, knitting, and relaxing while she naps on my lap. I could move her to the bed, of course, but why would I move a cuddly heater that requires nothing but relaxation on my part? I really enjoy her naps. I should be vacuuming, dejunking drawers, or cooking something for supper, but that isn’t nearly as fun.

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Favoured Winter Pastimes for Toddlers in a Yurt:

  • sort the recycling; choose favourite item and hold on to it for remainder of day
  • dump the slippers basket; leave them in a pile for mom
  • put things in mom’s boots; take them out again
  • pile/unpile firewood
  • play with wooden blocks
  • dance, often without music
  • read books
  • sleep on mom while she watches reruns of Gilmore Girls

Off-Grid with a Newborn

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Off-grid with a newborn? Is it possible? Yes, just about anything is possible. Have I personally done it? Yes, but not for very long.

We built the yurt while I was pregnant and moved in four days before the baby was born. When we moved in, our plumbing consisted of a 50L water jug and a bowl (the bowl was our sink). We had an outhouse, and an indoor composting toilet (a topic for another day). Our woodstove heated the yurt, cooked our food, and boiled our water. We had four oil lamps, some candles, and a car battery to power a floor lamp.

humble beginnings

humble beginnings

Over the course of a few weeks, we slowly improved our yurt situation; we connected a wire from our barn to give us electricity and installed a kitchen sink. We were suddenly able to turn on lights and listen to the radio at the same time. This was wonderful since it was Christmas and all I wanted to do was listen to Bing while staring at the newborn by the glow of the tree. My husband installed and plumbed-in a sink (he had previously dug a “French drain”) so we were able to pour dish water down the drain instead of having to carry it outside.

one week old

one week old

We washed diapers by hand, often with snow melted in a pot on the stove. When we got too behind with the diapers (we were going through about 15 a day so we only had enough for two and a half days), we would visit my in-laws and use their washing machine. The yurt was in a constant state of diaper-drying all winter long; diapers were hung on the backs of chairs, over the stove, on cupboard doors… anywhere. Thankfully, flats dry extremely quickly in a yurt heated with wood, so we always had diapers when we needed them.

Because I was nursing, and was too unmotivated to pump/bottle feed, we didn’t have to do any extra work when it came to feeding the baby. We were blessed with an easy breastfeeding situation, for which I am very thankful, as it would have been laborious to wash and sterilize bottles in the yurt.

Before the electricity arrived, middle of the night nursing sessions were aided by flashlights and touch lamps (battery powered) given to us by my husband’s cousin who, along with his girlfriend, brought us many useful items during those first few weeks (along with the lamps they brought me copious amounts of cranberry-applesauce which turned out to be my favourite “it’s the middle of the night and I’m starving” snack).

We filled up big water jugs every few days at the in-laws’ and managed quite well. One jug holds just over a day’s worth of water: enough for dishes, hand washing, and drinking.

Bathing the baby was done in front of the stove, where it was warm, in a little plastic tub. She wasn’t a spitter-upper (that’s the nicest way I can think to describe it) and didn’t need very many baths, so that helped.

Once summer arrived, an outdoor shower graced us with its presence.  The husband connected a shower head to a garden hose and built a shower stall, so we had running water a few steps away from the yurt all summer. The baby and I were happy to wait until the afternoon to shower, as the water was nice and warm by that point.

When I visit my parents I relish in the ease of running water, a bathtub, and a thermostat. I had never appreciated those things before living in the yurt. Now, I really enjoy the amenities when I have them, but I am fine living without them. I am grateful that we lived in the yurt with the baby from the beginning; I’m not sure I would have enjoyed the experience as much had we gotten used to life with a baby in a “normal” house first. Everything was new and exciting when she was born; it didn’t matter that we were off-grid because we were so far out of our comfort zones as new parents that we didn’t notice the extra work of hand washing diapers. Would I love a washing machine in my house? Yes. Would I like to have hot water at a moment’s notice? Yes!  Would I have anything to write about if I had those things? Probably not.

State of the yurt today:

  • electricity: yes
  • running water: no
  • shower: no
  • baby tub where I can wash my hair: yes

Raising Kids on The Cheap: Babies

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When I first started thinking about babies I was, thankfully, old enough to resist what the media was preaching. A few years earlier and I would have been convinced that my first priority as a pregnant woman was to paint and decorate a nursery. As it was, I felt that I knew what I would need to raise a baby, even though it was completely oppositional to mainstream advice. The “advice” was coming from well-meaning people, TV, movies, magazines, and, of course, the internet. My hope was that I could raise a happy, healthy kid without eighteen different baby bouncers/saucers/swings, annoying flashing toys, or expensive junk that you “need” such as a wipes warmer.

The Advice: Babies cost upwards of $8000 a year. In order to accomplish this, you should:

Our Hope: Babies aren’t as expensive as people say they are. To meet this goal we figured we would implement recommendations gathered from grandparents:

  • don’t bother decorating a nursery – they won’t notice
  • use cloth diapers (not the pretty kind which cost $20-30 each, but rather the old-school kind that cost $1-6 each – or less if you make them yourself)
  • breastfeed
  • enjoy the beauty of pre-worn clothing and accept all the hand-me-downs you are offered
  • if you can’t find free hand-me-downs, go to second-hand shops and find a stroller, high chair, etc. for a fraction of the price of a new one

No Nursery: We lived in a yurt when our daughter was born so we were able to live pretty cheaply. The yurt nullified the need to decorate a nursery since it is a giant round room. We didn’t end up using our crib much because it turned out to be blissfully easy to nurse laying down (read: sleep while baby nurses).

Cloth Diapers: If it had been up to me I would have probably spent hundreds on diapers, because I thought that it was necessary. Cloth diapers have become trendy and are therefore being marketed as an organic, natural alternative to disposables. I was told that it would cost $200-400 to get started with cloth-diapering. Thankfully, my mother-in-law gave me her old flats for free and told me I’d be fine. Our baby peed her diaper after about fifteen minutes whether she was in the pretty kind or in an old flat; the pretty diapers took days to dry whereas the flats took less than an hour, so we found that the old fashioned flats were not only cheaper, they were also a lot easier.

Breastfeed: We were given really nice glass bottles that I had every intention of using, but alas, my laziness reared its ugly head and I couldn’t bring myself to wash the pump, wash the bottle, dry the pump, dry the bottle, assemble the pump, pump the milk, refrigerate the milk, warm the milk…

Hand-Me-Downs: We were lucky to receive bags and boxes of baby clothing from friends and relatives out of the baby stage. Had we not been given so many things, I would have been at second-hand shops and yard sales sorting through piles. Yard sales are great, especially when you stumble upon parents in the “we are never having more kids” phase of life and want to get rid of everything. These parents often sell boxes of baby clothes for a few dollars. Wonderful.

the grumpy stare-down [hat, sweater, vest, and boots were all hand-me downs; overalls were made out of an old wool sweater]

the grumpy stare-down [hat, sweater, vest, and boots were all hand-me downs; overalls were made out of an old wool sweater]

We had second-hand everything: crib, high chair (a family piece from the 20’s), cloth diapers and clothing from my mother-in-law (she faithfully washed everything well and stored it for thirty years). We did get a new carseat (as a gift from grandparents, and great-aunts) because I was a bit leery about getting a second-hand one (although lots of people do find great used carseats).

I didn’t keep track of what we spent on our baby in her first year, but off the top of my head my estimate is that we spent about $100 on new diapers, clothing, and fabric (I got really excited about making baby clothes); $100 on travel expenses (we flew to Europe for two weeks when she was 6 months old and paid 10% of a regular ticket price for her); $100 on toys or clothing that I really liked (a set of wooden blocks, wool to knit her a doll, and a few cute sweaters).

Obviously, having a baby costs more than a couple hundred dollars if you take in to account the gas you need to drive to the prenatal appointments, the mountains of food you inhale because you are extra hungry from nursing, or the lack of paid work that goes on once the wee one arrives. The point is, however, that you needn’t listen to people who insist you need X amount of money to raise a child. Babies don’t need much to be happy. Given a blanket, a diaper, and a boob, most babies are quite content. Special circumstances such as health problems, or an inability to breastfeed certainly make things more of a challenge, but one can still keep the costs low with a bit of ingenuity.